Showing posts with label books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label books. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Are Carbohydrates The #1 Health Menace? [Good Calories Bad Calories]


Sparkly vampires that don't die in sunlight and fall in love with inarticulate teenage girls, zombies eating brains with grapefruit spoons and their pinkies out (or off?) with Elizabeth Bennett, hapless-yet-cunning teens battling to the death in a reality show that makes Jersey Shore look like The Christian Ladies Aid Society - these are the types of books that keep most people up at night. Me? I've been up for a week now reading the gripping tales of The Fat-Cholesterol Hypothesis and The Carbohydrate Hypothesis spun by Gary Taubes in his game-changing tome Good Calories Bad Calories. Kinda like the Bible and Moby Dick, lots of people will talk about this book but very few of them have actually read it.

Not that I blame them. It's 576 densely worded pages of research paper hell. And I used to be a Graduate Assistant that was paid to write research papers so I know that of which I speak. I'm going to be honest: I read most of it. Skimmed the rest. Fell asleep and drooled all over the "Conservation of Energy" chapter. Was just like college but without all the PowerPoint atrocities.

Good thing for all of us, Taubes includes a four word summary - a dietary rebus, if you will - on the front cover. Take this handy quiz:

Like the old woman/young woman illusion, what you see is all about your perspective. In this picture, is the piece of bread the "good calories" and the butter the "bad calories" or vice versa? For years, as any of you who lived through the nineties (check yes if you ever included "grrrl" in a description of yourself!) can attest, fat - especially saturated animal fats like butter - was the devil in the Devil's food cake. Even today, the American Heart Association recommends no more than 7% of your daily calories come from saturated fats and no more than 25-35 % from any fat. Most of us are well versed in the "good fats" and "bad fats" doctrine. It is, as Taubes takes the first 4 chapters to point out, the conventional wisdom. (I can't complain too much though because it was during this introduction that I got to meet a delightful 18th century Brit named Banting who lost so much weight on a low-carb diet that he went on a pamphlet-strewn publicity tour that puts Atkins to shame. Banting is like Jared the Subway Guy dressed like Marie Osmond on Nutrisystem and with an evangelical spirit that's half Kirstie Allie and half Richard Simmons. I love him.)

According to Taubes, everything you "know" about diet and nutrition is wrong. He backs up this assertion with very (very very) detailed analyses of all the research ever done on the subject, branching into a conspiracy theory about scientists suppressing evidence and changing study results that I would have found laughably ludicrous had I not worked in academic research for so many years and found out first hand what sharks professors on tenure track can be. But I digress. Here's a summary - you're welcome - of the myths busted by Taubes:

1. Eating fat makes you fat.
2. High cholesterol is bad and the best predictor of heart disease.
3. Cholesterol should be lowered at all costs.
4. The best way to lower triglycerides and cholesterol is through cutting out dietary fats, especially saturated animal fats.
5. That Western illness like cancer, diabetes, dementia and heart disease are inevitable if you live long enough.

Basically, Taubes postulates that the surest and best way to help people not only lose weight but also live the longest, healthiest lives possible is to eat lots of fat (all kinds) and protein but cut out carbohydrates. He especially blames sugar for societal ills - no shocker there - but also includes "good" carbohydrates like fruit and whole grains. Not only do carbohydrates not provide good nutrition in the form of energy, says he, but also have the deleterious effects of leaching vitamins and weakening the body in other ways. For those of you who are familiar with Atkins or with the Paleo/Primal diets, Taubes' book is scripture. For the rest of us, these assertions fly in the face of everything we have been taught about good nutrition.

Honesty, Part Two: He makes a very compelling case. Taubes is a highly acclaimed science writer and this background is evident in his meticulous review of every study out there. He not only tackles famous studies, like the Nurses' Health Study, The Seven Countries Study and Ancel Keys' starvation studies, but he includes every minor paper, even previously unpublished ones. About halfway through the book I wanted to throw my hands up and just accept whatever he said as true because he was clearly willing to do a lot more studying than I am on the subject.

And the science is catching up to him on some points. Recent papers have come out breaking the supposed link between dietary cholesterol and heart disease (yay, we can eat eggs AND their yolks again!). Saturated fats are getting lots more good press - indeed I have had a very positive experience adding more fats of all kinds to my diet. The problem for me is when he starts dissing my beloved whole grains and fruit. No matter his comprehensive body of research stating otherwise, I do better and feel better when I eat a diet that includes those two things. That's why I flunked out of the Primal Blueprint. Twice. (Of course, new science is also contradicting him.)

It is at this point in the story my brain kicks into full-on Crazy. Maybe I'm wrong! Maybe I'm just in denial. Was my mid-afternoon crash the result of my Tabata workout or the whole grain bread I wrapped around my tuna? Maybe I SHOULD try low-carb again! If I don't, I could die a horrible death of diabetes, heart disease or cancer! Or all three at the same time!

The only thing that stopped me from dumping my oatmeal down the disposal that very second was remembering how well my current Intuitive Eating Experiment is going. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I'm 2 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and 5 from my "happy" weight (not to be confused with my ideal weight, also known as the weight I should never weigh again because even though I thought it was ideal it was really too low and I looked sick and didn't menstruate and was kind of a witch so yeah.) In a fit of reason - I'm not possessed of those nearly as often as I ought to be - I e-mailed my dear friend Dr. Jon who, also being British and therefore super cool, gave me a different perspective on Taubes, writing,

"Based on all my years of experience, I'm a great believer in moderation when it comes to diet . People lose sight of certain primary physiological facts and become obsessed with Super Foods, antioxidants, detox diets and supplements . To take some examples, a low fat diet isn't healthy because the body needs both saturated and unsaturated fats to maintain its health, LDL cholesterol is vital to well being, and reduced salt intake can literally kill anybody who works out heavily . That's the major difficulty with laying down rigid guidelines - they don't work for everybody and can actually do major harm .

A while back we talked about the Okinawan diet and I told you that the preliminary results indicate that that population's longevity and general good health seems to be both genetic and influenced by a more restricted diet and reduced intake . It is a relatively low-fat diet too, but too much must not be read into that . The Chinese diet is less restricted and pretty high in fats of all descriptions, and the typical French diet is enough to make a dietitian's eyes water . Yet all three countries have a far lower incidence of heart disease than the USA, Canada and the UK - just a thought, but maybe speaking English is the causative factor ???? :)

What you are doing these days, returning to intuitive eating and trusting your body to tell you what it needs, is the sanest and healthiest way to live . Logically, the human body has developed over the last couple of hundred thousand years and evolved the ability to signal its requirements . The plethora of mad ideas out there is truly mind-boggling . We have one particular "guru" over here who you should really have a look at . Her name is Gillian McKeith, aka the Poo Lady (if you have a look, you'll understand why - she's obsessed with it) . Amongst her insane ideas is that chlorophyll "helps to oxygenate the blood" by swallowing it !!! If you remember your highschool biology, chlorophyll is what makes plants green and uses light to photosynthesise carbon dioxide into carbon for the plant to grow, releasing the oxygen into the atmosphere as a byproduct . The only way I could imagine obtaining oxygen from chlorophyll in the gut would be by sticking a searchlight up the unfortunate soul's butt - and then what ??? The gut does NOT have gills !"
So, the take-away message from all this, is that diet books give me way more nightmares than vampires, zombies and teen-death-match-reality-shows combined. (You know it's only a matter of time before someone writes that book!) Actually, what I learned is that I still want to turn to other people - experts, by golly! - to tell me what to do with my body rather than just listening to what it says. There's a fine line here between learning enough to interpret your body's signals and going so far as to substitute everyone else's judgment for your own. Please don't misunderstand me - I'm not calling Taubes a quack and there was much of value in the book, especially on fats and their chemical mechanisms in the body, (and his chapter on paradoxes in the literature will blow your mind) but his recommendations on whole carbs and fruits just doesn't sit well with me. Lots of people live long, healthy lives on a variety of diets. You have the Okinawans with their super-low-fat diet. Then you have the Masai whose traditional diet of meat, whole milk and blood (yes, really) is about 70% fat. And these are two of the longest-lived peoples on the planet! But you know what I bet they have in common? They don't spend a lot of time reading diet books.

What are your thoughts on carbohydrates - all good, only the whole kind, or as little as possible and no grains? How much fat do you normally eat? Any of you read Good Calories Bad Calories? Do you always look for experts or research to tell you what to do, like I do??

Thursday, September 2, 2010

My Book Cover is Here! (And It's Funny!)

I'm not just excited, I'm Richard-Simmons excited!!

Great news: I just found out (thanks to several of you astute readers!) that my book is available for pre-order on Amazon! Woohoooo! I can't even tell you how amazing it feels to write that sentence. This process has taken nearly two years but it's finally happening. And seeing the cover, up there, with all those other real books and real authors made it feel really real. (Ok, so part of me still won't believe it until I'm holding it in my sweaty little hands but I'm visceral like that).

Wanna see it? Click here to check me out in all my nerd glory (you can take the girl out of the lab but you can't get her out of the beaker...) and while you're there you can also pre-order The Great Fitness Experiment: One Year of Trying Everything!

What you get:
If you order right now you get a free shamwow juicer ab roller with every book! Kidding. But you do get it for $10.08. If you wait to buy it until it comes out (pub date is still Dec. 1st from what I understand) then the price will go back up to $14.98. So save 5$ and pre-order now!

In the book I break down all the Experiments I did for the first year of writing this blog. While they are the same Experiments you already read about (if you've been with me that long and boy howdy do I love you for sticking around! Remember when my blog was all black with white text and I was an awkward Goth with orange hair??) but in the book I detail the theory behind each workout, the workout itself, what shenanigans ensued in the gym and all the crazy going on out of the gym along with my conclusions.

Bonus: I include either a highlight (hilarious story that never made it into a blog post) or lowlight (hilarious and embarrassing story that never made it into a blog post) of every Experiment, including the absolute lowest moment of my exercise addiction. And no, I never wrote about it on here because I was too ashamed of it at the time.

In between each Experiment are personal essays excerpted from this blog that favorites of mine.

To all of you who have cheered me on each step of the way, I cannot tell you how much that has meant to me. To all of you have already pre-ordered my book (Hi, mom!) I am amazed and unbelievably grateful. My only goal in this is to sell enough copies that they give me the privilege of writing another book so thank you for helping my dream come true. I could not do it without you guys!!! (Or my exclamation key!!!!!)

PS> For those of you wondering what I'm reading these days: Just finished both of Sloane Crosleys books of essays - thanks to those of you who recommended her to me, she's amazing and I totally recommend her! I also recommend Shanghai Girls (fiction) and On Hitler's Mountain (non-fic). I'm currently in the middle of Gary Taubes' Good Calories, Bad Calories and it is blowing my mind. It is a research junkies dream!

What are you reading right now? Got any more recs for me??

Monday, August 16, 2010

Can I Be a "Formerly" If I Am a "Never Was"? (Giveaway!)

This is as close as I'll ever get to being a hot chick in a hot tub.

Stephanie Dolgoff is omnipresent in the body-image blogosphere these days. You might have read a review of her new book My Formerly Hot Life: Dispatches from Just the other side of young (that comes out today!) from MizFit, Leslie, or Jezebel. Or perhaps you caught her front page story in the style section of the New York Times (which strangely pictured her amidst a large pile of shoes because shoes... are a measure of youth? Hotness?) ANYHOW. Even Gawker - a site dominated by gay men - had to weigh in on the debate surrounding the perceived hotness of older females in our culture. So of course I had to read it. Thankfully a few months ago I was privileged to receive an advance review copy of the book - which instructed me cryptically not to quote from it without consulting the final version first... which hadn't been released yet which made me read the review copy very closely looking for any covert messages Dolgoff might have slipped to me such as "Help! I'm locked in a cage! Send shoes!" I didn't find any secret messages, sadly, but I did get a sweet hand-written note from her saying she hoped I enjoyed it.

And I did! Dolgoff is hilarious and quirky and - it must be said - still hot, even in the conventional youth-loving sense of the word. Which is where my train and hers split tracks. (Don't disabuse me of my metaphor - I have read quite enough Thomas the Tank Engine books to know that trains do all kinds of wacky things like split tracks and bump buffers and, you know, talk. All the time. Frankly, if I were Sir Topham Hatt I'd put Thomas in the coal yard too just to get some peace and quiet.)

Stephanie, as I am wont to call her as her writing engenders such a feeling of familiarity, originally came to be writing a book about being Formerly Hot (or just Formerly for short) after a man on the subway asked her for the time. And that was it. As a hottie, she was used to being hit on and this man's narrow chronological focus surprised her. (Perhaps he was reading Gawker on his phone? Just a thought.) She realized that she had crossed the line drawn crookedly in the sand by our fun-house-mirrored society into... what, exactly? Not old age. Not even middle age really. Just, Not Young. As one would expect from any major life transition, this was jarring to her both physically and in her sense of self, causing her some deep (and witty) introspection.

Confession: I have never had a man ask me for the time with any intent other than to find out the time. I've never had a stranger send me a drink at a bar or a waiter leave me his number on the check or any of those other rom-com clichés. (DID YOU SEE THAT? I got the é to work! I love you guys!!) Nor have I even had a man try and use one of those awful pick-up lines every other female loves to giggle about. "Hey baby, are your legs tired? 'Cause you been running through my mind all night!" Never!

After reading through page after page of amusing anecdotes about boyfriends and college parties and the swingin' singles life in New York that she navigated with aplomb wearing both 6" heels (in the snow, when fashion called for it) and the title of editor of many lady mags like Glamour, Fitness, Redbook, Seventeen and even O, I had my own realization: I can't be Formerly Hot because I Never Was Hot.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm hideous or anything. It's just that Dolgoff and I have had very different lives. My college years consisted of working three jobs, studying like a manic's dreamgirl to keep my scholarship and 4.0 GPA, and occasionally going out on double dates with my Barbie-esque blond roommate to whom I was always a distant second. (Side note: I knew I had to marry my husband when I asked him on our second date what he thought of Barbie and he looked genuinely confused and said, "Who?") By age 21 I had two degrees, a husband and a professorship (and an ulcer) - all great things but things that definitely lowered my hotness quotient. And it wasn't high to begin with. All I'm saying is that it's hard to miss what I never had.

Fortunately for me, Steph's (see what I did there? We're on such friendly terms I just wantonly truncated her first name! That's what she does to me when she tells me one of her life's mission statements is "Anna Wintour would not eat the fish!" You'll have to read the book to get the story behind that one. It's awesome.) Life Lessons Learned can be generalized to those of us who are living a very unsexy life. Advice like "wear clothing that fits your body now" and "treasure your adult girlfriends" definitely ring true to me now. Even her deliberations about plastic surgery - a subject she adroitly points out that feminists come down on both sides of - something that I, being poor, have only an academic interest in, are funny and interesting. And she totally had me at the chapter about upper lip waxing (sisters with pale skin and dark hair unite!)

Being 32, I'm not quite at the official "Formerly" age (what that is she doesn't come out and say exactly although she hints that it's hot on the heels of the GMFU, or "great metabolic f*** you", that hits around 40) so perhaps I'll relate a bit more in a few years. At any rate, it was a fun read. Want to check it out yourself? Leave me a comment below telling me about your experience with aging in our culture - did you notice crossing over into Formerly territory? Or are you a Never Was like me? - and you'll be entered to win your own copy!

What's your best "getting hit on" story? Please tell me so I can live vicariously through your fun!!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Book Cover Photos! (You Guys Were Right About the PinkJacket!)

Well hello there! Fancy meeting you at this park. Don't worry I have lots of random fitness equipment to show you. No that's not a euphemism and no I'm not trying to sell you any of it. Although this post is, apparently, sponsored by Subway. (Which is a bummer because Subway irritates me on two fronts: Jared, their spokesman who only proves you can lose a ton of weight by eating a verrry limited diet and also, how can anyone eat a normal sub after having one toasted with guacamole? Mmm... Quiznos!)

Me? A real model?? (I ask you, would a real model wear a black bra under a white tank??) Oh gosh no! It's a photo shoot for my book that's coming out December 1st. You want an autograph? Oops, you just want me to move out of the way so you can have your kid take a pic of you and your boyfriend... making out on the rocks... in a public park. With tongue. Seriously people, that's your 3rd grader taking that picture - put your shirt back on! Egads.

Look away. Now look back. Look away. Now look back again. I'm on a rock. In a PINK shirt this time. I am the girl your girl could smell like! (If she sweated like a dude and wore Old Spice, of which I do the former but not the latter - I have my pride.)

Now if only I could get a person to follow me around every day with a light-reflector thingy that makes my eyes all glow-y. My kids would never dare disobey me again. Because I can shoot lasers from my eyes. BELIEVE.


And here I am feigning confidence. I was thinking about Miss Tyra telling all the America's Next Top Models (That No One Ever Hears From Again After the Show's Over Except on Cover Girl Commercials) how to "smize" (smile with your eyes). Seriously. That's what I was thinking about.


Until I got distracted remembering that one photo shoot where they made the girls pose with huge spiders and venemous snakes and cockroaches. One girl had the tarantula right up by her eye. Still gives me the heebie jeebies. Thankfully all I had to do was stand in ankle-deep water and get dozens of mosquito bites while waiting for random children to stop swimming in the (public) waterfalls and photobombing my cover.

There is a reason I've never done a pole dancing Great Fitness Experiment and now there is photographic proof.

Don't make that face or it'll freeze like that!

Thank you so much to all of you for all of your help picking out my cover-shoot clothes! It meant so much to me to read all of your supportive and helpful comments (you guys were way right about those gray pants - eek!) As you can see, the shoot went really well. Michael and Sarah Novak of Inventive Media took really good care of me and I managed to not only get over my awkwardness long enough to get a few good snaps but also to have a lot of fun. I still have zero desire to be a professional fitness model (not that anyone's asking me to) - modeling is weird work - but I feel a lot better about being on the cover of my book.

The cover art is being finalized this week and the mock-up is really cute and funny! A little teaser: they didn't pick any of the pics above. But they did agree with you all that the pink jacket ones were the best and so it is one of those that made the final cut! I can't wait to show you guys the finished product!!

So, what is your opinion: Subway or Quiznos? What's the worst pose/prop you've seen a model have to do in a photo? (I always worry about all those high fashion photo shoots where they make the models jump in 8" platform stilettos. Surely someone's broken an ankle, right?) You're not tired of the Old Spice guy yet are you??

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I Eat Everything!

Okay, so there's one thing I wouldn't eat. Any food that requires a c-section to eat is off my list.

Dining with me is an experience. And often it's not one conducive to gastronomic pleasure. I've admitted in the past to a multitude of eating sins including, but not limited to, looking up calorie counts on my phone during the meal, saying said calorie counts aloud, driving a waitress to the brink of madness with the complexity of my special order and then refusing to eat more than one bite of said meal when it was brought to me. I've sat hungry through beautiful Easter banquets. And then chewed and spit a bag of sugar free jelly beans in the parking lot of the convenience store where I bought them. I've self-righteously turned down homemade, once-in-a-lifetime English Trifle. And then cried as I made myself run an extra mile the next day for "insurance" against future once-in-a-lifetime English Trifles. My disordered eating started at twelve and had become so ingrained over the years that I honestly had no hope of ever eating like a normal person (those exist, right?).

And then Geneen Roth happened.

The past few months have been nothing short of a miracle. I blogged about my budding confidence in the program and in myself a few weeks ago and it has only gotten better since then. I know that I risk ruining all my new-found success in writing it on the Internet but I'm going to go out on a limb and just say it: I Eat Everything!

I came to an important realization about a month ago, as I sat one day at lunch eating my carefully prepared food in an undistracting environment and listening to my body's hunger cues. (For those of you uninitiated into the Geneen Roth school of food guidelines, the thought process goes something like this: "How full am I? If I'm a four or less I should eat. If I'm a 6 or more I should stop. Am I a five? What does that mean? Now that I've eaten a few more bites, I might be a five and a half. Or perhaps a five and three-quarters. If I burp soundly can I subtract a few points? Does water count? Since when did hunger require calculus?!") I realized that much of my eating behavior is driven by fear. I'll avoid eating when I'm hungry because I'm afraid that I'll eat the whole world, that I'll be so hungry I'll never stop or because I'm afraid admitting hunger is a sign of weakness or because what I'm really hungry for I won't allow myself to eat. I'll eat when I'm not hungry because I'm afraid that there won't be food I will allow myself to eat wherever I'm going later or because it tastes so good I'm afraid there won't be more or because I'm eating something I'm not "supposed" to eat and I'm afraid I'll never get to eat it again or because somebody made me something special.

Most of my mental energy has been devoted to dispelling those totally irrational fears. And the key to unlocking my fear has been - are you ready for the Awwww Moment? - to be gentle with myself. I talk to myself as if I were speaking to one of my beloved children. (Which at the moment is only 3 of them - the 3-year-old is driving me nuts. Kidding. Mostly.) When I feel panicky about getting hungry, I kindly tell myself, "It's okay to eat. Everyone gets hungry. Feeding your body is not failure, it's nurturing." When I feel scared that I'll be hungry later, I tell myself, "I'll take care of you. You can eat if you need to. I will find you some food." It sounds so simple (or crazy - I am very chatty with myself apparently) but it has been so healing for me.

And one of the biggest things that I tell myself is that I eat everything. For so many many years I've had an immense number of food rules. I was vegetarian*. Then vegan. Then a gluten- and soy-free vegan. At various points in my life I've eschewed carbs, dairy, protein, the entire nightshade family (don't ask), sugar, grains, anything white and many other foods too numerous to detail. Heck, I had so many restrictions they made a television show about it! I've driven friends, family and waitstaff crazy with my insane food restrictions. There was always something I didn't eat. Not anymore. Now I eat everything.

It's been a weird transition, I'm not going to lie. One of Geneen Roth's guidelines is to eat what your body wants. (Note: this is not the same as eating what your mind wants. Your mind will tell you it wants to eat an entire bag of Reese's peanut butter cups. But your body knows it will feel sick if you do that. Sometimes your body really does want a peanut butter cup but often your body wants a salad or some meat or an apple. Misunderstanding this distinction was one of the major reasons Intuitive Eating didn't work for me the first time I tried it.) I was afraid that I'd so messed up my body's signals that it wouldn't tell me what it wanted to eat (or that it would seek revenge for all I'd put it through and tell me it wanted nothing but Rocky Mountain Oysters) but I think it is safe to say after 3 months of doing this that my body definitely does let me know what it needs. And I don't panic about eating whatever that is because I know that I will only eat when I'm hungry (usually) and that I can stop eating when I'm full. And my body tells me when it is hungry and when it is full!

And it works. It's amazing to me that something so simple actually works! For two months I maintained my weight within a half a pound - a feat so astounding that I'm still in awe at my body's ability to regulate itself so well. And then this last month I've lost 2.5 pounds. Without doing anything major or scary. Without crying in my closet. Without mentally screaming vitriol at myself. Without punishing myself with more food restrictions. Without doing anything at all, really.

What is even more amazing is that since my weight has become so stable, a lot of my desire to over-exercise is diminishing. It used to be that I'd gain two or three pounds in a day, panic, and then do a really punishing workout the next day, lose two or three pounds, celebrate, eat salted popcorn and then go back up the weight roller coaster the next day. I was constantly in the mindset of needing to "earn my food." If I didn't, for some reason, get a workout in then I didn't eat. But being gentle with myself and allowing myself to eat when I'm hungry - regardless of if I've exercised or not - has made all the difference.

I'm not perfect. While my food issues are slowly but very surely fading to the background, I'm still tied to my scale. I still look in the mirror and wish fervently I were ten pounds thinner. I still am drawn to diet books like a Kardashian sister to the letter K. But for the first time I'm really hopeful that I can conquer those things too.

I ate linguine with cream sauce. I can do anything.

Do you ever make decisions about food based on fear? Are you good at differentiating what your body wants versus what your mind wants?

*I am not saying that all people who are vegan or vegetarian or whatever are practicing disordered eating. Just that in my case it was.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

What to Wear on a Book Cover? [Heeeellllpppp Meeeeee!!!!]

Good news! I have a pub date for my book. The Great Fitness Experiment (tree-killer edition) will be on shelves Dec. 1st! Just in time to buy a copy for everyone on your Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Christmaskuh list.

Scary news! They want me on the cover. I voted for Giselle but apparently she's out of our budget. Le sigh. I just found out yesterday that my photo shoot is tomorrow. Pro: No time for any crazy crash dieting. Con: WHAT DO I WEAR??? I can't even dress my preschooler in matching clothes much less make myself look good.

Please help me out! Here are some possible options with a handy dandy poll at the bottom to vote for your fave.

Keep this in mind:
- Ignore the hair. Yes I lopped 10 inches off but it is naturally curly and will be curly for the shoot tomorrow.
- Ignore my inability to focus the camera.
- Ignore all the white spots all over me - they're from my dirty bathroom mirror.
- My bathroom has a skylight, hence all the weird lighting.
- I'm going for realllly basic. I don't want to wear any of my kooky clothes (99% of my wardrobe, honestly) because I'm afraid I'll look back at this in 10 years and have a Jane Fonda-Leotard moment of horror.
- If you don't like any of the options, feel free to give me suggestions in the comments!! (Although anything with the phrase "just a sports bra" will be laughed off the page.)


Pink Lululemon Jacket (a baby gift from Reader VAMomof2! I love you!!) & Black Running Tights (note Jelly Bean acting as stylist as prop drooler):





Grayish Purple (with shiny blue logo you can't see because I can't figure out how to hold a camera) tee with long black pants:

Blue v-neck cap sleeve tee with long black pants:


Hot pink Nike tee (yes, this is the one from the 20/20 show) with black wide-leg Nike capris:


Robin's egg blue Oiselle
tee (with bird logo) and black capris:


Maroon Nike tee with gray Shabby Apple mid-calf leggings:





Monday, July 26, 2010

Oprah Stole My Moment: Intuitive Eating Works For Both of Us

This pretty much sums up my life - except the boogers are generally from someone else's nose.

Oprah beat me to it. As if it isn't bad enough that the woman rules all media outlets, now she has stolen my own epiphany right out from under me! It was my very own "A-Ha" moment! Oh wait... that is hers too. Crap. This whole time I've been thinking that I discovered Geneen Roth all on my own (read: a zillion e-mails from you guys recommending her finally sunk in) when lo and behold the Queen of Everything not only already read and loves Geneen but Oprah also started her own Experiment based on the books.

According to June's issue of O magazine (which I'm just getting around to reading because I'm way too cheap to subscribe to it and I found an old copy at the gym), Oprah has given up dieting and is working on eating intuitively. Just like me! Thankfully it is going swimmingly for the both of us. Hence, I will share my epiphany with Oprah. I'm big like that.

The Truth: I feel like I've been let out of jail.

Rereading my farewell post from a month ago, I'm struck now how depressing it was. I didn't see it at the time because it was just the place that I was in. I'd come to a crossroads: either I was going to spend the rest of my life trying to willpower myself through every new diet/exercise regime that comes along and then crying in my closet when I inevitably failed or I could just... give it up. Just eat and be happy.

It shouldn't be that simple but it is.

I'm delirious with relief and happiness and, honestly, a little nervous that this euphoria won't last. This past month has been so freeing. I worked hard (and it is hard work, at least at first) to stay focused while I ate and to pay attention to what my body was telling me and it works. I'm not broken after all! And if I'm not then I can say with confidence that you are not either.

Here's the proof: two solid months of eating following Geneen's food "guidelines" and my weight (yes, I'm still weighing myself - baby steps, people!) has remained within 1/2 pound the entire time. For a girl that is used to going up and down 3 or more pounds in a single week, this is huge for me. I ate peanut butter cookies for dinner (the recipe: 1 egg, 1 c peanut butter, 1 c sugar. Bake at 350 for 8 min. Do it. You will thank me.) and my weight stayed the same! I had salmon on salad with dressing and didn't resent it for not being the peanut butter cookies and my weight stayed the same! I ate beef ribs. White bread. Homemade strawberry ice cream. And my weight stayed the same. What this all means is that my body does in fact know how to run itself.

While I do still wish that the weight I have stabilized at is about 7 pounds lighter, I have finally come to accept that what I need to work on fixing is not my weight but my head. I can't say that everything is all fixed in my brain - decades of dieting programming will take time to unlearn - but for the first time in a really long time I am hopeful that this will not be the thing that defines me.

The result of all this has been a remarkable freeing of my soul. All the energy, both mental and physical, that I've been devoting to remembering food plans, research, calories and so forth I've been able to devote to other pursuits. I just finished reading 21 books in 21 days and not a single one was a diet book! I play the piano for an hour a day! I meditate, pray, do yoga and snuggle the Jelly Bean on a much more frequent basis! (Did you know Jelly Bean gets pit sweat? She does and it even stinks! I don't know why that cracks me up but I adore that about her. She's already so like her mama!) I finally signed up to take that aerial dancing/circus class I've been dreaming about for so long! And a power yoga class in a real yoga studio! And a dinner cruise with my hot husband!

I had to share this with you guys because you have been so integral in my progress. You have no idea how much each of your comments/blog posts/e-mails/texts/FB messages/tweets and so forth have meant to me. You all have had me in tears (beautiful, happy, cleansing tears) and then in hysterical laughter so many times, just when I needed it. I am so blessed. And so very grateful! I love you!!

So now that I've exceeded my monthly quotient for inappropriate exclamation marks, I will leave you with this:

Get your underage teen bikini pics, hot off the presses!! Seriously, I blogged about the Kendall Jenner (of Kardashian notoriety) scandal for HuffPo - check out how I work Lindsay Lohan into it! (You cannot write a pop culture article these days without referencing Lindsay Lohan. It's like in the rule book and everything.)

Monday, May 31, 2010

June's Great Fitness Experiment: Eating Like a Normal Person (Plus Pilates Experiment Results)

And this is why your mom told you not to swallow your gum.

Friday found me curled in the fetal position, succumbed to the dreaded body image double whammy. Chances are you've been there too. It's the one-two punch of ill-fitting clothes and an unexplained jump on the scale. The upper cross to my jaw was the arrival of an adorable workout skirt that I ordered in my usual size, only to discover it is uncomfortably tight through the hip/thigh area. The sucker punch to my stomach though was the overnight - and I kid you not - arrival of 6 pounds. I did the ugly cry (mad props to Oprah, by the way, for introducing that phrase into the lexicon); both my mascara and my nose did runneth mightily.

For some reason - and I don't blame the Pilates but more on that later - this month I've gained back every single pound I've lost since January. As you may recall (or not, I can't imagine you are nearly as interested in my weight as I am) since Jelly Bean was born, I have been losing steadily at about 1 pound... a month. Most diet plans say you can safely lose 1-2 pounds per week but no matter, as long as the numbers were trending down rather than up I could keep a lid on the Boy George histrionics. And then. All that hard work - 6 months of working out 6 days a week and recording every calorie and being way under my maintenance allotment (even without adding in the nursing calories) - was erased in just a few short weeks. The worst part? It was for no good reason. This is the part in the weight-loss movie where I shake my fist at the sky and scream BUT I AM DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!!! According to MyPlate (you all were right - that really is the best calorie tracker), I should have been losing 2.5 pounds a week. For everyone who says that weight loss is simply a matter of calories in/calories out I offer myself up as a living rebuttal.

This tear-soaked weekend has lead me to two conclusions and I think they may surprise you.

1. I'm done dieting. I'm so tired of being wrecked every time the scale goes up. It's ridiculous and heart breaking and infuriating to me that I am 31 years old and am still in the thrall of this thinner-is-better ideal. The only thing I have lost with this manic devotion to weight loss would be my mind. Some people take a declaration of "I'm done dieting" to being tantamount to "I don't care about my health." For me, giving up dieting is embracing my health. I have to believe that my body wants to run faster than a speeding toddler, leap park benches in a single bound and heft heavy grocery bags with one arm.

2. I don't know how to eat normally. I've mentioned Geneen Roth's book Women, Food and God on here so many times in the past few weeks that you probably think I'm schilling for her (I'm not. And FCC - I bought the book myself.) but reading it made me realize that I am completely ignorant of basic facts about my body. What does hungry feel like to me? What does full feel like? Why do I want to crawl out of my skin with anxiety if I have to eat without any distractions? Why have all my recent binges - and I use that word loosely in this context - been brought on by whole wheat muffins, whole wheat bread and whole wheat pasta? Can I possibly be addicted to whole wheat?! (And also, why do I get the full-body shudders when seeing someone pull fabric through their teeth? Okay so this one doesn't have anything to do with the book but I've wondered about this for a long time. Nails on the chalkboard? No problemo. A toddler chewing on a washrag? You will find me rocking back and forth in the corner screaming with horror. I cannot be the only one who has this phobia, right?)

Ms. Roth has 7 guidelines for eating like a normal person. For the month of June, I am going to try to follow her guidelines for eating. Some of you may think this Experiment is a cop out but I'm telling you that I have never - and I'm including the time I went Primal - been so scared to do an Experiment. And I have never wanted so badly for an Experiment to work. Because I cannot - I will not - keep bawling my eyes out over my stupid weight.

Geneen Roth's 7 Guidelines for Eating

1. Eat when you are hungry. (You say duh, I say I have never eaten to hunger since I first knew what a diet was. I'm not even sure I know when I'm truly hungry! What if my body wants to eat every hour?)
2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment. (Calm environment with 4 kids is asking a bit much but I'll do my best. I can at least sit down at the table as opposed to hunched over the counter or keyboard, per my usual.)
3. Eat without distractions. No TV, radio, computer, books or magazines. (I hate this guideline. HATE it. Which makes me think it's probably really important that I do it. Sigh.)
4. Eat what your body wants. (My body really likes to eat healthy. That won't be the hard part. This whole wheat thing though - that's going to be tricky.)
5. Eat until you're satisfied. (In the past, I eat until my allotted portion is finished whether or not I'm full. Just like I'm not sure if I can recognize hunger, I'm also not sure I can recognize satiety. Which is probably the whole point of guideline #3.)
6. Eat in full view of others. (Are you a secret eater? I am, sometimes. In my daily life I'm not but I do have episodes of secret eating that almost always follow eating at a party or with friends. I feel deprived that I can't eat all the rich food that my (skinny) friends do and then go home and eat an entire package of vegan chocolate. Nice.)
7. Eat with enjoyment. (WHAT? Since when is food enjoyable?? I'm the girl who still thinks that given the choice I'd take a pill for all my daily sustenance and avoid food altogether. And I hate this about me.)

So I wrote down these guidelines on a cute little card and tacked it to my fridge. For June's GFE, I'm going to try to eat. Like a normal person.

(For our workouts this month, the Gym Buddies have requested a return to Heavy Lifting. Which means we'll be doing CrossFit this month. It's a killer workout - it's one of the few past Experiments that we keep going back to over and over.)

Pilates Results
There appear to be two kinds of people in the fitness world, those who love Pilates and those who hate it. I am in the former camp but unfortunately most of the Gym Buddies are in the latter which meant I spent most of this month hundred-ing and scooping out my stomach by myself. For a girl who works out in no small part due to the social aspects, this was a serious blow.

A lot of the Gym Buddies' apathy has to do with the quality of the Pilates instruction, I think. The instructor and their willingness to teach and correct make a huge difference in how well Pilates works. I learned that I am NOT a good Pilates instructor. I hadn't intended to be one but due to the dearth of available classes at our gym and my unwillingness to pay for private lessons, it ended up being me trying to teach the Gym Buddies the Pilates technique out of books. That went very badly - and hilariously - so I take full responsibility for their non-love.

Fortunately for me, there are some great Pilates instructors out there who really know their stuff and three of them took pity on me and spent some time helping me out. For those of you in the Minneapolis area, Melissa Schenck, Ann Flynn and Jennie Berglund are excellent and dedicated instructors. When I got to take their classes, which wasn't often enough, they worked me out good and hard - I was SORE sore. (I won't mention by name the other instructors except to say that one class was so horrible we ended up walking out early. I only say this here to warn you that Pilates is not the kind of thing you can learn in a two-hour workshop one weekend.)

Melissa taught me probably the most valuable thing I learned from the whole Pilates Experiment: how to find a neutral spine. I've heard instructors talk about having a "neutral" spine or pelvis hundreds of times but it turns out that what I think is neutral is actually a huge curve in my lower back (think Keri Strug after landing her one-legged vault). I blame gymnastics. And the six-fingered man. At any rate, she taught me how to lay on my back and put my hands in a diamond shape with my thumbs on my belly button and my index fingers right on top of my pubic bone. When my hands are flat, my spine is neutral. When my thumbs are higher, I'm arching my back (a no-no in everything from Pilates to weight lifting). And when my index fingers are higher, my spine is "imprinted" or pushed into the floor - a position good for protecting your back when your abs are weak. (And yes I actually had to lift my head and look at my hands to see what position they were in.) Knowing how to put your spine into neutral is important for doing any kind of ab work but even better, standing with a neutral spine makes you look 10 pounds thinner instantly!

Melissa also did a killer workout with Gym Buddy Megan and I on the Reformer. That shoulder workout rivaled anything CrossFit or P90X has thrown at us. I would love to do more on the Reformer in the future - it seems like a great fitness tool. Gotta save up first though as that thing ain't cheap. Ann introduced me to a device called a Core Pole - a big metal pole with resistance bands attached to it - that can be used to simulate a lot of the moves done on the Reformer, especially when you add a Swiss ball. Her classes also made me Good Sore (plus I got to tell people I was going to my Pole class - awesome.) Lastly, Jennie (also known as Turbo Jennie when she's in round-housing mode) teaches a class called PiYo, a blend of Pilates and Yoga moves. The class is fast paced and challenging and the leg-butt routine was so hard that it took an entire week for me to stop walking like I had a Core Pole jammed up my heinie.

My verdict: Pilates can be a fantastic workout with the right instructor. Doing it from videos and/or books without prior instruction probably won't give you good results. It's worth the time and money to find a really good teacher.

Hold me, I'm scared!
Who's getting down with me with the Guidelines for June's GFE? Can I really learn how to eat like a normal human?? Anyone have any experience with wheat addiction (i.e. Am I crazy to think I'm addicted to wheat?)? Can you tell when you are hungry and when you are full? Pilates: Are you a lover or a hater? Wanna do CrossFit with us this month?

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

How To Get Health & Fitness Books Cheap


Addiction. It's a strong word but then I'm a strong girl - did about 500 reps of arm exercises (with humiliating 2-lb dumbbells) just today thanks to the ongoing Pilates Experiment - and I have an addictive personality. When I love something, I really really love it. Chocolate. My children. The movie Empire Records (remember when Renee Zellwegger was adorable?). Jelly Beans. Swing dancing. Exercise. Artichokes (which is a genetically inherited predilection, according to NPR some people are born with a gene that make artichokes taste delicious while everyone else only tastes bitter stabby vegetation. Yay, I finally won the genetic lottery in something!)

But the real love of my life are books. Never have I been as passionate about anything as I have about reading. It is only fitting that it was this passion that made me fall in love with my husband. We'd known each other for months and yet I didn't fall madly in love with him until we were walking in the library stacks one star-kissed evening and he said, gesturing randomly to a shelf, "That was a great book." "Which one?" I asked. "All of them," he answered. That man had read every single book in the entire History section of our University. Not one to believe just anything I'm told, I quizzed him. And then I married him. To this day he is the only person I know who has read The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire in its entirety.

I do not jest when I call my love of books an addiction. I must read at all times. We've already discussed about how I can't use the bathroom without adequate reading material (I will even set up little reading stations - an open magazine by the sink so that I can find new recipes while I wash my hands, a book held open by my box of curlers so I can read up on the modern caste system in India while I blow dry my hair.) In the shower I've read my shampoo bottles so many times I have the ingredients list memorized (Is it the sodium laureth sulfate that makes that nice foamy lather?) And of course I am addicted to health and fitness books. You name a popular diet, workout or health routine/guru and I've either read it or want to read it. And thanks to the speed-reading course I took in second grade (no joke), I read 3-4 books a week.

This addiction gets expensive though. The last health book I bought was the life-changing Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth and it was a darn good thing it was life changing because that little 200 page sucker set me back $18. Why not just get it at the library? I was #230 on the waiting list. By the time I got my hands on a copy the sequel (Men, Beer and Satan?) would already be out. Libraries are great for browsing and picking up books you'd never think to read until you feel their heft in your hand or for books that only a few other people want to read. Libraries are terrible for new releases, best sellers and impatient patrons.

There is another solution to buying the book new. Turbo Jennie recently introduced me to a fantastic site (that you all probably already know about but I'm posting about it anyhow on the off chance anyone else missed the memo like I did) called PaperBackSwap. It's so simple: you send a book, you get a book. The book you receive is yours to keep as long as you like - forever if you want! The only price you pay is the shipping to send your books to other people (usually $2-$3).

Today I cleaned off my health and fitness shelf - you really only need to read The Engine No. 2 Diet once to get the idea - and posted them all to share. But now I need to fill my wish list of books I'd like to read! This is where you come in: If you are already a paperbackswap member, can I be your buddy so I can get recommendations from your list? Or just tell me, what is your favorite book right now (any genre)? Which health and fitness books do you love? Did you luck out with the yummy artichoke gene??

PS> If you do sign up for PaperBackSwap, tell them I referred you (by typing in my e-mail addy chariander AT gmail DOT com into the referral box) and I'll get an extra book credit! That's not why I'm posting this but if you're going to sign up anyhow might as well feed my addiction!
PPS> I love memoirs, non-fiction and classic literature. I absolutely hate vampires - especially if they sparkle - zombies and Jane Austen. Take that into consideration when making your recommendations.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Who Would I Be If I Weren't Broken?


I'm broken. In so many ways: PTSD from my sexual assault (is that weird that I claim it as "my" sexual assault?), anxiety, OCD, depression, SAD and even extreme PMS. Oh and don't forget to add every permutation of eating disorders known to mankind; I've been anorexic, exercise-purging bulimic/compulsive overexerciser, orthorexic, ED-NOS. I'm a veritable alphabet soup of crazy. (Somewhere people with real problems are laughing. And then craving soup.) But it isn't enough for me to do crazy things. If I just acted crazy then that would be fixable. No, for my whole life I have felt intrinsically flawed. Deeply broken. My very essence a divine mistake.

This, as you can imagine, made for some very poor decisions. (But great dinner party conversations! Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I thought doing acrobatics hanging 70 feet over a canyon with no safety net was a good idea? No??) In all honesty, that's why I stayed with my Very Bad Boyfriend as long as I did. I thought I didn't deserve better. Thankfully other people, like my mom who threatened to send me to another country to get me away from him, did. This belief in my innate wrongness has also informed my general outlook on life. How do I trust a God who screwed up so badly making me? I mean, this is the same Guy who created sea cucumbers after all. Obviously He has a sense of humor - hey, who pooped in the ocean again?! - but how could I follow Him and help other people when I can't even fix myself?

I know I'm getting deep here but I want you to understand how very seriously I have taken my brokenness. It's generally the first thing I tell people about me. "Hi, I'm Charlotte! Lovely to meet you! Oh and by the way I'm crazy."

Years ago, when I first started this blog - and I had like 2 readers which to this day amazes me considering I was still posting under my Goth persona (seriously, I know) with a terrible white-text-on-black-background site to match - Andrew, who has long since disappeared into the Internet ether, left me a very thought provoking comment on a post I wrote about metabolic testing. Essentially he wrote, "Why would I want to mess with my metabolism? It's not broken." He advocated a style of eating and working out that hinged primarily on listening to oneself - trusting your body to tell you when it needs to eat and when it needs to exercise and when it needs to rest. He's not the first person to tell me this but my response has always been the same: "I can't trust myself! I'm BROKEN!" And then, because I wear my deficiencies like a name tag, "duh."

The thing is, it's not true.

So why would I hold so tightly onto a belief that lacerated me every day with its cruelty? This weekend I read - nay, devoured - Geneeen Roth's new book Women, Food and God (recommended to me by about 100 of you astute folks). In it, she tells an anecdote of a woman who exclaims that she is afraid people won't love her anymore if she's healed from her emotional issues. The woman uses compulsive overeating as a way to stay broken. She didn't want to make others feel diminished in her presence, despite the fact that one's successes do not take away from another's. Despite the fact that any time a single person is truly great it lifts all of humanity.

It had never occurred to me before to consider that my self-flagellating belief served a vital purpose in my life. It saved me from failing. From not living up to my potential. See, if I'm broken then I have no potential so anything good I do is just gravy.

Who would I be if I weren't so busy being broken all the time?

Would I be the mom who forgets one of her children for 2 hours? (True story: I forgot son #3 at his preschool a few weeks ago. I finished volunteering as Reading Mom in son #2's classroom, took Jelly Bean and went home. I put her down for a nap, took a shower and got some work done. Never once did it occur to me that the house was so peaceful because I was short one child. I didn't realize my error until his teacher called to ask me when I planned on coming to get him. What kind of mother does that? Not a good one, I tell you.) Or, would I discover that I have it in me to be a good mom? A great mom, even? If I weren't so obsessed over my food issues and control issues and issue-y issues, would I have the mental space to come up with creative crafts and polish my floors and make egg rolls (son #1's favorite food) from scratch? Perhaps not. Mothering has never come naturally or easily to me - nor has egg roll rolling - but maybe God could take this unnatural mother and make up for her deficiencies. If I let Him. My brokenness is really faithlessness.

Would I be the friend who automatically sees another's need and takes action to fill it? The other day I was at a friend's house for a birthday party and after all the kids in attendance inhaled the cake like so many tiny vultures, another guest quietly got out the broom and swept up the crumbs before all those little feet could track green frosting onto the white carpet. It was so simple and yet it hadn't even occurred to me to do it. Perhaps if I hadn't been so busy avoiding the cake and all the other party food, I would have looked outside myself and found the crumbs and then the broom and then the dustpan. Naturally. My brokenness is really selfishness.

Would I be the writer who has the courage to pursue the craft that I love, to tell editors that I'm really good and then prove it to them? Would I be the wife who not only packs the lunch but thinks to put a love note in it too? Would I be the body who knows when too much exercise is too much, who knows what it needs to eat and when? Without any person, diet or book telling me? Would I be the soul who takes time to meditate and and pray and be still and breathe when all I want to do is run from one manufactured crisis to the next? (I'm good in a crisis, by golly!) My brokenness is really fear.

I'm afraid of trying and not being good enough.

Sitting with Jelly Bean today after nursing and changing her, I realized something that felt important. To her I am not just enough, I'm everything. I'm food. I'm safety. I'm rest. I'm shelter. I'm entertainment. I'm love. And if I can be that for her, I owe it to myself - and to the God who made me, the God who "don't make no junk" - to be that for me. I need to stop pretending to be broken - I am no more flawed than any other human - and get to work. It starts with learning how to trust myself, to know that my body will want what is best for it. It starts with learning how to forgive myself for all the mistakes that I do make without resorting to making it a spiritual failing. These things are hard; I'm not good at trusting or forgiving. Especially not when it comes to myself. But, like several of you have told me, sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. It starts with faith.

Who would you be if you were not broken? Anyone else feel that being broken is an intrinsic part of their personality? Anyone else ever forgotten a child somewhere???

Addendum: It seems that a few readers have interpreted this post to mean that I'm not okay with me - or others - making mistakes, being broken. Truly that is not what I meant. What I wished to have said that didn't come through very clear is that it's okay to make mistakes, to be broken - everyone is broken in their own way - but that I was wrong to make my brokenness a global aspect of my personality. Sometimes I do good things, sometimes I make mistakes but, as a human being, I am not broken.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

What Do You Do With Your Oxygen?

This man is pretty much an oxygen savant. He breathes it and then recycles it into energy! And to think Al Gore got the Nobel...

What, you think you're doing well just by breathing the O2? Pansy. Why settle for basic respiration when there is so much more you can do with oxygen?

Top 3 Things To Do With Your Oxygen:
1. Sleep ala Michael Jackson (and I don't mean in the final sleep sense - may he rest in peace - but in the sleep sense he was so famous for in life. I know, can I make this any more complicated?) so you too can live to "see world peace, a world without hunger, a world where children and all mankind know no suffering." Who wouldn't want that kind of Coca-Cola utopia? All you have to do is live in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber. Fun!

2. Become an elderly terrorist by insisting on smoking while toting around your oxygen tank that you must have for your inexplicable emphysema. Tell everyone loudly that oxygen is NOT flammable (which is true) but fail to mention that it will make a very pretty combustion reaction when in the presence of fuel such as, oh, clothing, hair or skin.

3. Go to an oxygen bar just so you can use the line "Want to share my oxygen, baby? I'm trained in mouth-to-mouth." Practice in front of the mirror first for maximal effect. I'd say practice ducking too but if she's got a canula up her nose then she probably won't be too swift.

O2 4 U!
Or you could be boring and use oxygen to metabolize your food. Which technically isn't an option as we all do it and, I know, it's not funny. Sorry. But hey, at least I got to do my PSA about smoking and oxygen tanks (Hi Grandma!!). And who doesn't love a good Michael Jackson segue?

A few years ago a diet fad came out about eating for your metabolic type. At the time I summarily dismissed it as the underlying science seemed shoddy and the press very hyperactive and anecdotal. This weekend however, I decided to take a closer look at it. Why? Because it turns out that it tells me exactly what I want to hear. Research, smesearch.

Everyone's cells use oxygen to convert food into energy. This is called cellular oxidation. Back in the 1930's (incidentally the era for best women's hats ever), while everyone else was worrying about how to procure food without resorting to the Joad method, scientists discovered that the rate at which people oxidize their food varies. Researchers postulated that given this natural variation, usually attributed to genetics and climate of origin, different types of oxidizers would thrive on different types of food.

What Type Are You?
According to Making the Cut by Jillian Michaels - she of Biggest Loser infamy - there are three basic types:

Slow oxidizers: "Also known as carbo types or sympathetic dominant. They generally have relatively weak appetites, a high tolerance for sweets, problems with weight management, "type A" personalities, and are often dependent on caffeine."

Balanced oxidizers: "Mixed types are neither fast or slow oxidizers, and are neither parasympathetic or sympathetic dominant. They generally have average appetites, cravings for sweets and starchy foods, relatively little trouble with weight control, and tend towards fatigue, anxiety, and nervousness."

Fast oxidizers: "Also known as protein types or parasympathetic dominant. They tend to be frequently hungry, crave fatty, salty foods, fail with low-calorie diets, and tend towards fatigue, anxiety, and nervousness. They are often lethargic or feel "wired", "on edge", with superficial energy while being tired underneath."

According to Ms. Michaels, your oxidation type changes your macronutrient ratios. Specifically, slow oxidizers should eat Ornish at 60 carb/25 protein/15 fat. Balanced oxidizers go with The Zone at 40/30/30. Fast oxidizers are Atkins at 20/50/30. She then goes on to give you a complete list of foods in every category that you should and should not eat, depending on your type, complete with menus.

This was interesting to me because a) I covet Jillian's abs and b) if I allow myself to eat how I feel best, I fall very close in line with her slow oxidizer recommendations which according to her test, is what I am. Given the hype lately around low carb and my love for Mark's Daily Apple, I have been trying to limit my carbs. This makes me feel groggy, lethargic and all-around crappy. But as soon as I get my carb infusion (usually via healthy carbs like whole grains or fruit although a box of Junior mints will also do the trick) then I feel awesome again. I love it when people tell me what I want to hear!

Want to know your type? For fear of Ms. Michaels (have you SEEN her?) and her legal team, I am not going to post her quiz although I certainly can't stop you from, say, going to Barnes & Noble and plopping unceremoniously on the floor for half an hour in front of the Fitness Section. Just remember to bring a pen & paper. They frown on writing in the books. Not that I know this from experience. Ahem.

Or if you prefer Internet tests, I found this one which is not quite the same but gives the general idea. There are plenty of other Internet tests but they all cost money. And because my skepticism is squealing like a stuck pig (a misfortune I have actually had the displeasure of witnessing), here is an interesting rebuttal to the metabolic typing quizzes.

Anybody tried this? What kind of oxidizer are you? Am I clouded by dreams of air-brushed abs? Or is there a grain of truth to all this? Nothing intelligent to add? Hit me up with YOUR best oxygen-bar pick-up line!

Confidential to the Barnes & Noble Book Boy: I appreciated your (unasked for) review of Ms. Michael's book & The Biggest Loser (which I have never seen) and I was with you right up until you said, "And you know strong women can be a real bitch." Which is not only grammatically incorrect but offensive. Jillian Michaels may very well deserve the epithet but if she does it isn't because of her strength. Which is probably why you were working at B&N at 11 o'clock on a Saturday night.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Wonder Woman Eats Right and Exercises Sensibly

Judging from this pic, I think Wonder Woman is wearing a thong - not ideal for crime fighting but I bet it sure keeps Superman in line!

Wonder Woman, sometime paramour of Superman with her bullet shaped bras (Superman has a fetish?) and athletic legs, has long been considered a heroine in her own right by millions of fans - girls and boys alike. But is she a good role model?

When my second son insisted on checking out a Justice League book from the library with she of the Barbie waist and wedgie-defying leotard on the cover, I cringed. Surely this was not appropriate fare for a young developing mind. At the very least it would teach him that DDD breasts are self supporting and GoGo boots are the footwear of choice when fighting crime - both concepts that would make a real-life woman laugh hysterically before remembering with both chagrin and nostalgia the little girl she used to be who was Wonder Woman four years in a row for Halloween. (Not that I'll ever admit to it. Or to the red, white and blue swimsuit with tin foil armbands that has grown musty with age but still has a place of honor in my memory box.)

My second son being the stubborn child he is, he made his case (loudly) and I acquiesced (quietly) and the book came home with us. That night during bedtime stories, I discovered that the first page has Wonder Woman's vital stats - because of course we judge even our Superheroines by their bust-waist-hip. But before I could roll my eyes a second time, I was first surprised and then impressed to note that Wonder Woman is (are you ready for this?):


Height: 5 ft. 11 in.
Weight: 155 lbs
Birth Date: Winter 1941
Occupation: Ambassador
Real Name: Diana













Besides being surprised that Wonder Woman is not her actual name (next thing you'll tell me He-Man is really Dexter) and that one can be an ambassador with a cloth-to-flesh ratio that would embarrass a street walker, I was impressed to note that her animators had actually given her a very realistic weight for her height. This gives her a BMI of 21, solidly in the "normal" range. (Note: BMI charts are totally fine for comparing cartoons. Just don't attempt using them on yourself. Unless you're Jessica Rabbit, you minx, you.) When you think about it, it makes sense - she certainly gets plenty of butt-kicking exercise and you never see her eating junk food. Not bad for a 69-year-old!

The other Superheroines also followed suit: "Oracle" is 5 ft. 6 in. and 126 lbs. "Queen Bee" is 5 ft 9 in and an impressive 226 lbs! Hellloooo Queen Latifa! The only ridiculousness is "Sorceress" who is "tall as a willow" and "light as a feather." Of course, she was invented in 2000 and bears more than a passing resemblance to Linda Evangelista.

It seems like Wonder Woman, fake as she is, at least has a good self-image. I'm not saying she's perfect but at least she has some serious muscles. Ever seen a Bratzz doll? Skinnyplasticfat. Now if she would just lose the implants and the boots, she might regain a place in my heart. Okay, she can keep the boots - I've been known to wear some impractical footwear myself.

What superhero was your favorite growing up? Was anyone else convinced they had a superpower (I was 100% positive I was telepathic because I always knew what my best friend was thinking - she was thinking that she was telepathic because she always knew what I was thinking!)?

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Two Healthy Faves: Book News and Vegan Chocolate

Liesel's wearing socks with sandals! Hee!

Thanks to my aunt who is disabled and watched The Sound of Music on permanent repeat, I grew up addicted to the Von Trapps and their be-curtained antics. My favorite song to belt at the top of my lungs was always "My Favorite Things." (Lie: My secret favorite was the "High on the hill was a lonely goatherd" one - sampled crazily by Gwen Stefani - because I love to yodel but I couldn't admit to that in public.) For the longest time though, I thought the lyrics were "When the dawn bites, when the beet stings..." I didn't know what kind of crazy world those German kids (who, oddly, had no accent even though many of the other main characters did - I wonder how the director decided which Germans should have accents? Only the bad ones? Perhaps that is why young Rolf dumps Liesel so unceremoniously.) lived in but boy howdy did I want a sweet little sundress with matching kerchief made out of green '70's patterned drapes. The whole hiding-in-a-graveyard scene was pretty awesome too.

ANYHOW.

Two of my favorite things combined to make today pretty darn awesome, no graveyards or drapery dresses needed!

1. My book! Everything for The Great Fitness Experiment Book (Year 1) is at long last signed, sealed and delivered! Without getting into all the gory details, it has been quite the harrowing process and sending off the finished manuscript was one of the coolest moments of my life - hopefully soon to be usurped by that moment when I first hold the actual book in my hand. I don't have the exact pub date yet but it will be soon!

2. Vegan chocolate might have saved my life. You will recall that I was feeling all bitter and deprived after being forced back into veganism by my adorable-yet-dairy-intolerant Jelly Bean. When to my rescue came Averie of Love Veggies And Yoga. She informed me that not only can you make vegan chocolate, but it is incredibly easy! Here's what you do:
1. Melt 1 Tbsp of coconut oil in the microwave.
2. Stir in 2 tsp powdered sugar (Averie uses agave syrup because she eats "high raw" vegan - not sure what the "high" means but lots of vegans don't eat conventional sugar due to it being processed through animal bone char. Me being a forced vegan, I don't care about the bone char so I use the sugar because it seems to give it a more authentic texture.
3. Stir in 2 Tbsp cocoa powder.
4. Pour into a saran wrap lined bowl and freeze.

That's it!! In 10 minutes you have real honest-to-goodness (still loaded with 14 grams of fat and sugar) chocolate! It's DELISH. I even added rice krispies to mine today. I made my own Crunch Bar, y'all!! Tomorrow I'm going to add flaked coconut and roasted almonds to make my own Almond Joy. I may never go back to traditional chocolate again! Averie's site has tons of yummy healthy recipes - go check them out!

Sadly, my attempts at making my own coconut ice cream have not been as successful. Probably because I don't have an ice cream maker. Oh well, my mistakes were still pretty tasty. Even if I had to chip them off with an ice pick.

What is your favorite thing today? Anyone else have a favorite mis-heard song lyric that you sang wrong for years?
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